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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27336202">Unconventional Tactics</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scholarlydragon/pseuds/scholarlydragon'>scholarlydragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lore Olympus (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cute, F/M, Gen, Humor, best laid plans, interference</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:53:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27336202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scholarlydragon/pseuds/scholarlydragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermes is desperate to talk to Megaera outside of a work setting and enlists Ares' help. This may not have been the best plan...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermes/Megaera (Lore Olympus)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>LO Discord Fall 2020 Fanfic Exhange</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Unconventional Tactics</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myth_is_a_Mirror/gifts">Myth_is_a_Mirror</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>With much thank yous to my betas: Bree, Mari, and Jessy. I appreciate you so much.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Tell me again why this is a good idea,” Hermes muttered, a sliver of his face visible between the door’s edge and its frame. He fixed his irritated gaze through the crack on Ares, who lounged casually against the opposite wall. At least he hoped it came across as irritated. He had a sneaking suspicion that his annoyance had as much effect on the bronze god as a breeze on a boulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares scoffed and flicked one hand in a dismissive gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out of all the gods, I never would have figured </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a wet blanket, Hermes.” The god of war squinted at him. “What’s your problem?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes sighed and threw the door open, revealing himself… dressed as a Fury. And not just any Fury. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A </span>
  <em>
    <span>sexy </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fury. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had no idea where Ares had found the costume, but surely the real Furies couldn’t have known of its existence. Else the manufacturer would have long since been razed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The skirt of the military-styled outfit was hemmed </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> shorter than its genuine counterpart, the sides cut well up his hips. The bodice displayed such a plunging neckline that, if Hermes had breasts, he was fairly sure they would be displayed quite alluringly. As it was, however, the cups sagged sadly, the support of the thin straps over his shoulder insufficient to keep them up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares frowned and reached out with one hand to tug at the upper curve of one cup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We'll have to find some way to stuff these." He pursed his lips and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I have a pair of fake breasts, but Eros swiped them, the little thief. Best I can do is a bag of rice and a bag of beans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes jerked back from him, scowling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> about to do this with boobs made of pantry dry goods!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You'd rather go around with a saggy chest?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes drooped a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, no." Maybe there would be a way to round out the bags and make them look decent. He had to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> and there was no time to go purchase prosthetic tits. He sighed. Rice and beans was it, then. Certainly better than the alternative. If he was going to do this, then by the Fates, he was going to do it well, and doing it well did not involve the front of the costume looking like a deflated balloon against his flat chest. Which, once more, raised his original complaint...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Tell me again what possessed you to think this was a good idea."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares heaved a dramatic sigh. "I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> you. Repeatedly."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Indulge me again. Because I can't escape the thought that even if Meg thinks this is cute or whatever, her sisters are likely to eviscerate me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares beamed. "Leave Alecto and Tisiphone to me. I'll tell them I need their opinion on some mortal who's been blasphemous or something. Those two are bloodthirsty enough that they should be completely distracted. That's when you make your move and chat up your little purple chick."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes sighed and rubbed his forehead with thumb and forefinger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There's a reason match-making should be left to Aphrodite and Eros."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares looked hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, Hermes had acquiesced to Ares' plan. It wasn't like he had a better idea. Aphrodite and Eros probably </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> have been the more logical choices, but Aphrodite had made no secret of the fact that, in the run-up to the Halloween party, she would be entirely unavailable for any "silly love needs" since she planned on dressing as her absolute most ravishing best and needed time to prepare. Eros would have been eager to help but Hermes had a suspicion that, if he had confided in the love god, half of the pantheon would know about it within a day and half of </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span> would have entirely the wrong idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to wonder sometimes if the Fates were simply amusing themselves by making the god of sex the worst gossip about salacious things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they entered the hall Zeus had rented for the Halloween party, Hermes discretely adjusted the bodice of his costume. He was uncomfortably aware of just how precarious his "breasts" were balanced with the plunging neckline. Ares’ bag of rice and  bag of beans, one in each cup, nestled against his chest, their forms rounded out with wadded tissues. The overall effect was surprisingly good, all things considered, but Hermes kept finding places where his cleavage had developed pointed corners as the bag edges shifted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nervously spotted the furies across the hall, chatting animatedly to an extremely dour-looking Hades. Somehow, Zeus had convinced, or perhaps bribed, his brothers to act with him as judges for the costume contest. Hermes had no idea how he had managed it, but Poseidon at least was looking enthusiastic though rather inebriated. Hades looked as if he would rather have been facing a hungry hydra, bare-fisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes elbowed Ares none too gently and hissed, “Run through the plan again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The war god broke off from smiling flirtily at a cluster of giggling nymphs and sighed as he looked over at Hermes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you really forget?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I want to make sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> know what </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing. The last thing I want is Tisiphone and Alecto breathing down my neck because you’re too busy trying to get laid!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares heaved the world’s most put-upon sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soon as they’re done talking to Hades, I’ll go over and tell them that some recent mortal war was sparked by a murder in a fit of anger. That ought to get Alecto and Tisiphone’s attention right away. I’ll get them away from Meg somehow and that’s when you swoop in. She’ll be charmed by your costume and that’s your chance to hit her up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes frowned, aghast at the crass suggestion. “I am not going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>hit her up</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m going to talk to her. Civilly.” He was also deeply uncertain that Meg would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>charmed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ares raised an unimpressed eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just how well has that been working out for you, so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh…” Before he could gather more of a rebuttal than the single confused sounding syllable, Ares went on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. You’ve been working in the Underworld for how long now? With this little crush forming, too scared to take hold of it?” He snorted. “Trust me, Hermes. If there’s anything I know, it’s rules of engagement. What you’ve been doing so far? That’s like Athena’s version of war. Polite and logical. Pfft. It’s time for you to try some passion and chaos.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abruptly, Ares turned back and narrowed his eyes as the three Furies left the judges table and wandered across the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s my cue.” He winked at Hermes. “Don’t blow it, yeah?” He vanished into the crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes fidgeted, suddenly aware of just how many beings were eyeing him, granted with a fair amount of appreciation for the skin on display mixed with amusement. He briefly considered preening a bit, but shook himself. He had to focus on the mission at hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he watched Ares talk to an increasingly blood-thirsty looking Alecto and Tisiphone, he started edging across the room, trying to gauge his arrival time, his mind spinning with Ares’ advice. Could he treat this like a military engagement? More specifically like one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ares</span>
  </em>
  <span>’?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the elder Furies gestured for an excited looking Meg to sit down, and she sank disconsolately into a chair while her sisters left with Ares, Hermes’ came to a decision. He would not treat this as some battle to be won, would not treat Meg as some terrain to be conquered. But there was something to be said for a more brazen engagement than he’d tried in the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he drew near her chair, he firmed his resolve. He would seize this chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her snakes caught sight of him and gazed up with wide-eyed shock before Meg herself looked up. Several emotions flitted across her face in the space of a moment. Surprise, curiosity, amusement. No irritation, whether at his costume or himself, which Hermes took as a good sign.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bowed slightly to her, praying that his breasts would stay in place, before holding out his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good evening, Megaera. Would you like something to drink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meg smiled and took his hand. “I’d be delighted, Hermes. But in return, you must tell me where you got your costume.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In short order, they each had a cup of punch in hand and had found a quiet corner with a plushly padded bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In response to Meg’s insistence, Hermes had told her the truth of his costume’s provenance, leaving out the reasoning for it. He made sure to place sole blame for the acquisition on Ares, just in case she was as annoyed by it as he had feared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of being annoyed, however, Meg had laughed and complimented his courage in wearing such a thing. Hermes had warmed under her praise, puffing up a little, and congratulated himself on excellent beginning tactics. He felt so emboldened that, as Meg had shifted a little closer to him and one of her snakes had wavered closer, its eyes huge and shining, Hermes had ventured to pet it. Like a cat, the snake had arched its small, scaly head under his hand, Meg giggling in delight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The snake suddenly squeezed its eyes shut and sneezed, a delicate little sound, and Hermes automatically reached into his bodice and pulled out a tissue. He offered it to the reptile before the absurdity of the situation dawned on him. His eyes met Meg's and his heart melted a little at the amusement in her gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks," she said, taking the tissue and holding it up for the snake to blow its tiny nose with a minuscule </span>
  <em>
    <span>honk</span>
  </em>
  <span>. "I think they might have allergies. Or are you getting sick?" She nearly crossed her eyes to regard the snake with a mix of scowl and concern. As though it had better not dare, but if it did, she would be sure to bundle it up and give it plenty of soup. The snake shook its head quickly and coiled back atop Meg's head. Hermes saw the other snakes discreetly giving it a wide berth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um..." he said, intelligently, unsure of the protocol and etiquette of wishing well to an entity that was part of another. Did he talk to the snake? Did he just talk to Meg? </span>
  <em>
    <span>I hope your hair doesn't get sick</span>
  </em>
  <span> just sounded weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could sort himself out, however, there was a shout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hermes</span>
  </em>
  <span>! The costume contest is starting!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could turn, there was a thump against his side as Eros landed next to him on the bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to be late for the contest!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- uh, didn’t enter it,” Hermes protested, but Eros waved his hand dismissively, the gesture eerily reminiscent of his father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense! They accept walk-ins.” He reached out and fingered the skirt of Hermes’ costume. “I cannot </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe</span>
  </em>
  <span> you didn’t tell me you were dressing like this! I would have loved to help put it together,” Eros gushed, the cat ear headband atop his head fairly quivering in excitement. He paused and looked Hermes over with a more critical eye, looking more and more scandalized as he did so. “Who </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> help you with this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes shrank in on himself. “Um. Your dad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ordinarily, Hermes Akakêsios, god of wiles and trickery, would have concocted a better lie and for a moment, he kicked himself for blurting out the truth, even as he tried to console himself that surely he was simply not at his best with such a draft blowing on his thighs and the corner of the bag of beans having shifted and poking his nipple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, no lie could have had as dramatic an effect on Eros as the truth as the god of love looked stricken, his face paling to a faint pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… but…” he sputtered, “Dad is </span>
  <em>
    <span>useless</span>
  </em>
  <span> with costumes…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that moment, fortunately, Meg stood and stepped in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drawing herself up to her full, surprisingly intimidating five feet and three inches, she glared at Eros.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were having a pleasant conversation, god of love. Go and bother someone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still looking pale and shaken, Eros shook his head as though trying to clear it, and turned away. As he wandered off, Hermes could still hear him muttering disconsolately about never being consulted for things he was best at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes looked down at the sound of the soft question next to his elbow and saw Meg looking up at him, her brows drawn together in concern, an identical expression on the faces of each of her snakes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled. “I’m fine. Thanks for the help.” He sank down into one of the nearby chairs and gave Meg a crooked smile. “Were you really enjoying talking to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meg blushed a brilliant lavender, but to her credit, she brazened through it. “Depends. Did Ares help you with more than just getting the costume?” She reached out and ran her finger over the shoulder strap of his costume.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes stared at her. Meg just grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a punisher of oathbreakers, Hermes,” she murmured with a toothy smile. “I can tell even a white lie from a mile away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sweating suddenly, Hermes blanched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course. How could he forget… Tisiphone oversaw the punishment of murders, Alecto punished crimes of morality, and Megaera… punished tricksters. Oathbreakers. The very things he was the god of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her smile turned a little gentler. “I know perfectly well what you are, Hermes. I’m not bothered. Just don’t ever lie to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes blew out a desperately relieved breath. “I won’t. Promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meg grinned and sat primly back down beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, why don’t you tell me exactly why Ares has you dressing up like a trashy romance novel version of one of my sisters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “I- uh, wanted to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tittered a laugh. “I would have thought that the god of tricksters could come up with something that didn’t involve all this.” She gestured to his ensemble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermes looked away with a muttered, “Yeah…” She was right. He should have been able to. He should have been able to come up with some amazing plan to be able to…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned back to find Meg looking at him with a gentle expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t tease you. I think it’s sweet. Really. I just don’t understand why, if you wanted to talk to me, that you didn’t just… talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “Work is… work. You and your sisters are always so focused on punishment. Hades trusts you with so much. I’m… I’m just the contracted psychopomp. I needed some way to be outside of the work mold.” He rubbed the back of his neck again. “I- I didn’t know what to do, and the more I tried to figure it out, the more impossible it seemed. I asked Ares for help out of desperation, and because he caught me hanging around hoping to butter up Aphrodite into helping. Thus, here we are.” He gestured at the two of them and the surrounding room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hermes. It’s not impossible that I would want to talk with you,” Meg said softly, “and it’s not impossible that I would want to spend time with you. You aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> a psychopomp.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart suddenly beating hard, Hermes smiled. “Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> about punishments?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow. “No, but don’t think that means you can forget your promise, Messenger. You know what I do to oathbreakers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As one of her snakes bashfully pecked a kiss on his cheek and Meg shyly took his hand with a smile, Hermes’ smile melted into an enormous grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Fates spun strange threads and odd tapestries. He would never have expected the solution to his dilemma to be an insane plan from the god of war, but clearly it had been woven by more powerful hands than his. As Meg settled beside him, her small hand resting in his own, her head on his shoulder, Hermes chuckled softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who would have thought the god of war fated to be a matchmaker...</span>
</p>
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